I need to always remember what is reality and what is fantasy. I am broken, clumsy, awkward and weird. This was really driven home this weekend when I invited M to sleep in our [Roommate & I] room. Of course sometime during the night my throat closed up and I started making my 'noises'. M was surprised as this was the first time she heard them. As is usual, Roommate made fun of me and they both were giggling thinking that I was fast asleep. Well that hurt and just served to make me feel more insecure [...] just a reminder of one more imperfection that I have. This is just one more reason why I am pretty sure I will not get married. I mean who would want to live with a person who is clumsy, awkward and most of all makes weird noises??? Will I ever find someone who will not laugh at me? Will I ever find someone who will accept me for me? I wish...what's the point? I highly doubt I ever will so that ends my story today.
What sadness! What despair! What misery I put on myself! I forgot to remember that God holds me in the palm of His hand(Isa. 41:10). That He is working in me, to will and to work His good pleasure(Phil. 2:13). Most importantly, God works all things for the good of those who love Him!
How I wish I could go back and comfort me during this bleak time and remind me that this God who is bigger than my circumstance is yet always present with me in my circumstance, my sadness and despair. In the words of an old hymn:
"Be not dismayed whate'er betide, God will take care of you"
Is this you maybe today? Be of good cheer kindred spirit, God is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. He is holding you in the palm of His hand. Cry out to Him and let His love and peace wash over you. Rest safe in His arms and cling to His promises. Here is a recent song that I have come to love. I wish Phil Wickham had written it back in 2004!!!